So - Here's Where I'm At

I know I know - I don't post enough. I have overcome some major hurdles at work these few weeks, so I can only hope that means a little more personal time for me. Which hopefully means, if any of you would like, more posts to come.

I will admit, as I think I had before this, that I isolated myself from the dating scene for quite a while. I had two very major relationships end in a hurtful manor about 5 and 6 years ago. Sadly, that was something I wasn't really used to. For the most part, although hurt feelings may have been involved on either or both sides, up until then, I remained friends with most of my ex'es. It wasn't that one or the other of us did any wrong, it was more that we had grown apart and one of us (usually him unfortunately for me) would realize we just weren't right for each other.

So, since the last two men had really either "done me wrong" or hurt me more than I had ever been, I took a long, self-imposed break from trying to date. And, if you have read any of my blog, that is when I met Daddy J. That is when I was awakened to the submissive inside me. And weirdly, although it was something I had never experienced in that intensity before, I knew it was who I was meant to be.

I have tried to fight it plenty over the past 6 years, but I always come back to the fact that it is my inherent nature and I am so happy to have found myself. Even if it wasn't in the way I thought I would.

So recently, I threw myself back out there - and I thought I met someone who may be a great, compatible person. Things were going well for a while, but after a couple of months, he just stopped contacting me. I was a little hurt and confused, but more than anything, I just wanted an answer as to why. I have very rarely been put in the position where I didn't know where things may have gone wrong. I started to doubt even trying to put myself out there.

But, that was fleeting in a way. I then just rationalized with myself that he didn't feel about me the way I felt about him. Yes, I would love to have the "data" to tell me what I could change or do better, but that was never to try to get him back. That data would then be used to do what I do even better for the next guy who may be lucky enough to be with me.

Unfortunately, many people have taken my curiosity the wrong way. Some people think I am jealous that he has moved on. But, truthfully?! I don't want someone who doesn't want to be with me. Who wants to settle like that? And I actually respect him (only a little bit) to go after what it is he really wants. I would have thought he would have been mature enough to actually communicate with me that he didn't want me or he had met someone he wanted more. But, c'est la vie - he is who he is. And I liked him for that. And I wish him the best for where he goes next. Just one bit of advice? COMMUNICATE with the new "her" - or next time? YOU will be on the end that gets left behind ;)

Back to One

I firmly believe that sometimes, if you want to know better about where you are going, you need to take a moment and reflect on where you have been. I haven't had much free time lately, but the little I have had, I have been using to reflect on what started me along this journey and re-examine where I am.

New Dream From Last Night

Well, there is someone I have met recently and we have been having a good time talking about submission and Dominance and exploring each other's likes and dislikes. Last night, I had a great dream about him. I was going to send it to him, but then, as I was writing it, I thought it would make a nice post. So, here is the dream that I had last night about ... Sir C.

The dream started off with me at work, which is probably understandable as I have been pretty busy this January with lots of difficult projects. As I was deep in thought on a particular problem, my G-talk pinged me with a message from Sir C. As soon as I saw his IM, I was instantly excited, and became very unfocused on my task at hand. There was some small talk and flirting, and my panties were quickly getting wet. It was almost 11:30 am, so I was getting ready to excuse myself from the conversation. I wanted to go to the ladies room to play a little before lunch, and I knew I had to be back for a 1:30 pm meeting with one of our VPs.

Before I could tell him I had to step away, Sir C told me that he happened to have a client to meet very near my office at 1:30 pm. He asked if I may want to meet for lunch. I was flattered that he wanted to see me, so I quickly agreed. He told me he would meet me in my lobby at noon. I was so excited to spend some time with him. I went to the ladies room, but instead of having a quick play, I fixed my hair & makeup as I wanted to please him and look good for him.

When I got to the lobby, I noticed he was already waiting, so he had arrived a little early. He gave me a sly smile, which told me he approved of my sprucing up. I asked him where he wanted to eat, and he simply smiled and said he wasn't hungry for much. I asked, "Well, what are you hungry for then?" Sir C got serious and told me we should just walk to my car and we could decide then. Since there are so many great places around my office, I was a little surprised he wanted to go to my car, but I of course agreed.

Once we got to my car, I started to open the door and he looked at me and commanded me to get into the back seat. I was again taken aback, but of course agreed and did as I was told. We both climbed into the back seat and he swiftly unbuckled his pants and had me start to go down on him. I sucked and took his big, hard cock quickly into my mouth. I heard him sigh and he began to play with my hair (which is one of my biggest weaknesses that makes me so hot). After a little bit, he thrust his cock deep into my throat, holding it there and choking me as he fucked my mouth. I was so nervous to be doing this in such a public place in the daytime, but he had me so turned on, and of course I would do whatever he wanted so that I could satisfy him.

He pulled me by my hair back up onto the seat and pulled down my pants. He took his fingers and felt how extremely wet I was. He told me how naughty I was to be so turned on. After fingering me, he stuck his fingers in my mouth and told me to taste myself and get used to it. I had tasted myself before, and I have to admit I love it. He pulled me over to straddle him and I began to ride his hard cock, rubbing my clit against him as I moved. He reached his hands around, grabbing and spanking my ass as I moved him quickly in and out of my soaking wet pussy. He also then would take his hand, choking me and pulling me closer. Sir C whispered into my ear.

Sir C: "You love my cock, don't you little girl?"
Me: "Yes, Sir!"
Sir C: "You want to cum, don't you little girl?"
Me: "No, Sir. I want to make you cum."
Sir C: " You forget though, it's not about what you want. It's about what I want. And I am about to make you cum harder than you thought you could."

At that point, he started thrusting up into me and I couldn't hold back. I came and I came all over him. As I was cumming though, I felt his cock get harder and deeper and I knew he was cumming with me. I felt his hot cum shoot so deep into my pussy and my head began to spin with pleasure. After he had me get back down and suck and lick him clean. As I was about to wipe myself clean with some napkins I had in the car, he pulled me close and kissed me and then whispered in my ear, "You aren't to completely clean until you get home. I want you to feel my cum on you all afternoon and you won't stop thinking about this." I agreed and then I woke up ...

Not My Typical Post

NOTE TO READERS: I wrote this last week - contemplated about posting it, but didn't. It isn't sexual. But, after reflection and encouragement from others, I decided to post what I wrote last week today. Take it or leave it, this is me. Love you :)

It was Tuesday December 20, 2011 and it was the day before I was taking off for our holiday break. We had decided to meet for lunch once again before we would not be seeing each other every day for a couple of weeks.

We had such a great time. I told her about my upcoming doctor’s appointment & tests. It was a conversation we had had before, and she was so supportive as usual. We weren’t just co-workers, we were friends who shared so much every day, even if we didn’t socialize on weekends. Our lives were different, but our lives were connected. We shared stories of our crazy families and even our personal lives. She was one of only five people who knew about a couple of things I was afraid to tell anyone else.

On Friday December 21, 2011, she texted me like clockwork in the afternoon after the first of many doctor’s appointments I was to face in the next month. 

It was almost as if she had set an alarm to remind her to check on me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did, but I wouldn’t be shocked if she didn’t. She just always knew to look out for her friends. The following Wednesday, after one of my bigger medical tests, she texted me to see if I was ok. We talked about going back to our usual place for lunch when we would return to work the following week and she would get the full download.

On New Year’s Eve, like most of us, I sent a bunch of text to people I really care about, one of them being her. I wasn’t prepared for the email I got the next morning from work. I had promised myself not to check ANY work email over the entire break. And I was successful. But I thought, “I don’t want to come into the office to a crap show on Monday morning!” So, I logged in. And that’s when my shock and disbelief overwhelmed me. She can’t be –I’m older than her – she was fine – she just texted me the other day. But, obituaries don’t lie once published (unlike RIPs on Twitter) and just like that, she was gone.

So, sorry I haven’t written in a while. In addition to this incredible hole in my heart & my life, I still had to continue through all of the invasive medical tests and uncertainty that one of my good friends had been supporting me through. But now, I was facing it with one less cheerleader, who was one of the best on my squad. Despite the physical pain of the tests, the anxiety of not knowing, I now have answers. It isn’t what my doctor feared most, and it even may not be a big problem down the road. I am taking the road of precaution, without making the big decisions that I thought would have to, and I am relieved. But I can also say that the very day and the very moment I left the doctor this morning, all I wanted to do was text my good friend to set her mind at ease as well.

Sorry, if this is a downer, but this is where I am. Love me or leave me, I will always be honest with myself and my readers. I know I will bounce back, but today I really miss my friend.

No Other Way To Really Say It - Thank You!

I truly feel like a Sandra Bullock in “Miss Congeniality” – A fish out of water. How in the world did a little quirky girl like me find myself in the running in a Blog contest sponsored by a mainstream newspaper? Not to mention, how could a completely anonymous outsider even put up a decent fight in a contest in which a super-talented and tight-knit blogger community usually fights to support each other? I couldn’t begin to tell you all of the planets and stars that aligned and came together to make it happen, but I can say I have the best readers in Baltimore (and beyond) because we did it. We won a Mobbie!

Just Checking In

Hello my friends! I know it is getting colder out, but I am loving this season so far, aren't you? Not too many things going on in this girl's dating/sex life lately which I know is a little less exciting for all of you. But think about how I feel! I'm going to explode soon! Luckily, I do have some things in the works which I hope will go well, but for now it is just lil' ol' me with you. I promise to write up some of my more memorable solos sessions this weekend and I will post them up here for you. I also have a couple of questions that came to me from readers that I am working on, so keep your eyes open for lots of new things in the next few weeks.

I ranted a little bit on my Gutter Magazine article today about sexual conquests and how many sex partners is too many. Or does it even really matter? I have always felt that if the sex with someone was good, I didn't need to get it from other people. But more importantly, to me the quality of my sexual experiences are much more important than the number of different people I have shared them with. Anyway, I would love to hear all of your thoughts about that as well.

Oh, and did you see the new little shiny pink badge over to the right? Your girl was nominated as one of the best Maryland blogs for the Mobbies in the Baltimore Sun. You can vote once in each category every 24 hours, so I would LOVE it if you would go support me over there. I was so shocked to get the nomination, but it would be nice to win! Sexual Freedom for Baltimore! Also, while you are over there, be sure to read some of the other amazing nominations. I have really expanded my reading list this week.

Enjoy the fall weather my lovelies, snuggle up close, and definitely do something to make me proud ;)

From a Different Perspective: Guest Blog Post

This week in my article at Gutter Magazine, I answered more questions from my readers. A lot of questions I get tend to get rather personal, which I am happy to answer, but I don’t do that in a public forum (unless you tell you specifically don’t mind – then all bets are off). I was talking with my former neighbor earlier this week, as we usually chat, and I asked him if he remembered the time we were together that he liked the most. As we were talking, I got the idea that the rest of you might be interested in his answer too. So, today is a guest blog post from my former neighbor, MP.