Tuesday, April 26, 2011

"I Don't Submit To Jackasses"

So, I wrote about how I decided to embark on the search for a new Daddy. Since this was my first time actually looking for an actual Daddy/Master/Dom, I really had no idea what to expect. Apparently, I should have known better. If looking for a vanilla boyfriend/partner was torture (which it was bad enough) but it was 20xs worse when men only saw me as an object. I really appreciate all of the support that others have been giving me here (Pretty Primal, Blossom, my old neighbor MP, etc.), on Twitter (seanyboyNJ, Maj_G, Dazz_C, ThanyasTweets, etc.), and even just through emails. One great submissive girl even wrote about her thoughts on my experience so far on her blog (definitely an insightful and fun must read – Here Come the Jackasses!).

As for what I look for in a Dominant, I have been thinking a lot more about this since I started.

I want a Daddy who respects me as a person and who I can feel safe enough with so that I can commit myself to him unconditionally. The relationship wouldn’t entirely be one where he always orders me to obey him, but instead a relationship where sometimes his orders aren’t even needed. That I am totally immersed in giving him pleasure and I want to serve him so that he too feels safe in revealing his deeper and darker emotions and desires. He would be someone with whom this would not be a 24/7 D/s thing, but more of a sexual exchange, however, I would like a relationship as well. He would ideally be professional, attractive, mid-30s to mid-40s, compassionate, intelligent, and a true leader. Although objectification does sometimes come into play through the D/s dynamic, he would see me as a person – not a thing; a person who is willingly opening herself up physically and emotionally to attend to his wants and needs.

On another note, I have still been talking to J (Daddy) lately. He does support my search, even though he would prefer me not to walk away. Of course, our talks may start cordial and simple enough, but eventually we have been falling back into our own desires for one another. Last week, he reminded me that his annual conference would be coming up soon enough. After having a great conversation, remembering the amazing night we had last year, we both were intensely worked up, even though we were both at work. He directed me to go to the ladies room and orgasm for him. I was nervous – I work with some more conservative people (as does he), I don’t have an office, and my work is quite professional, even though we are in a semi-relaxed atmosphere. I went to a ladies room outside of our office suite. Luckily, these are one room, so no one else can come in. I pulled down my pants and my panties were already wet. I leaned against the counter and began rubbing my pussy. All I could think about was him in front of me – that he would be standing there watching me and demanding I cum for him. I pinched at my clit a little because it was so swollen and on the verge of breaking. Needless to say, it didn’t take long to climax. It was more difficult than I actually thought because I wanted to scream his name and moan, but I had to try to be silent.

I cleaned myself up, took some deep breaths, and returned to my desk where he was waiting on instant messenger for me to tell him that my task was complete. He acknowledged my actions with a “Good Girl” and I could still feel my cheeks flushed with excitement and embarrassment. What if people heard me? What if they could tell what I had done? It was at that point that Daddy said something that has made me think a lot lately, “I think it's kind of unlikely we won't fuck again :)” I have to admit, he is probably right – I am not sure we are really done on our journey … time will tell.

P.S. OMG – I almost forgot – Keep your eyes peeled the next couple of days for a VERY exciting announcement from me. I PROMISE it will be worth it!

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