Saturday, February 19, 2011

Not So Quiet Saturday

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I have been trying to gather my thoughts and really contemplate where to go next. Some of you know by now (and thank you to those of you who have reached out to me - you know who you are and your words help a lot) that I have been released from service. I am no longer a little girl to my Daddy (which also will be the last time I call him that here because I respect that as his wish). Opening myself up to this submissive side of who I am and learning to service someone really put me in touch with many emotions, some of which it seemed like I was feeling for the first time. Although I tried to keep my head clear and stay focused on service, I couldn't stop myself from starting to want more of a personal relationship. He was very clear from the beginning, and always has been clear, that he was not interested in being my boyfriend - he was my teacher and mentor. However, we want what we want, and feelings, no matter how small or large, cannot always be wrangled and rationalized. So, he instructed me: no more assignments, no need to ask for permissions, and I am to wear my collar no longer. He apologized for possibly pushing me further than I was ready to go. I apologized for not being about to serve him the way he wanted. We left things amicably and we wished each other the best.

But that all leads me to this point. I now know that this is all really a part of who I am. This is a side of myself I never knew, or chose to subconsciously repress or ignore. He opened a door that I am not ready to close. Even though I know it can't be him who leads me anymore, I still need to be led. I almost don't know where to begin or what step I should be taking next.

I can't say that it doesn't hurt - it does. No one wants to have feelings for someone who doesn't return those feelings. I didn't mean to start to fall for him, but I also don't regret a single thing we did together. So - here I am - recovering so to speak. The wind has been howling outside all day and I have been sitting here, catching up on reading, writing, listening to music, and drinking hot chai tea with my dog sleeping on my feet. Just trying to experience a little bit of comfort to regroup.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

January Training - Part III

Continued from yesterday & the day before, you may want to read the beginnings here and here, before moving on…. 

I was in a dreamy haze, my body tingled everywhere and I wanted him more and more. I wanted to please him and to return the amazing feelings I was having. He lied down on the bed and had me suck him. As I was on all fours to the side and sucking away, he began to fuck my ass in and out with the black plug. I felt myself move with it, even though it hurt.

            Daddy: “Do You know why I had you fuck yourself with the anal plug in?”
            Me: “Yes Daddy.”
            Daddy: “Then tell me.”
Me: “Because I need to be ready for when you have me service someone else. I will need to be able to take him in my pussy and you in my ass if that is what you want.”
Daddy: “Very good girl. And this? Why am I fucking your ass with the plug while you suck me?”
Me: “Because I need to be able to suck another man while you fuck my ass if that is what you want.”
            Daddy: “Good girl again. And who does your ass belong to?”
            Me: “Only you Daddy.”

As I kept sucking him more and more and he fucked my ass with the plug, I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter. My head was already so fuzzy and I just wanted more. He had me stop and told me it was time for my last ten lashes. My bottom was already so sore, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to take them. It was at that time, he told me I had been so good that he would take it easier on me and he would use my belt for the last ten. Even though I usually love my belt, I was still not sure I could make it through. He began furiously and quickly. I counted them out and thanked him for each one,although he did not take the time to ask me questions. Each strike was hard and full and toward the end I could feel myself whimpering and not sure if I could continue. But I did.

He was so pleased with all that I had taken up to this point, he quickly rewarded me by moving swiftly behind me and almost immediately thrust his cock deep into my asshole and began fucking me, furiously. No matter how much it hurts when he enters my ass, it still feels so good knowing that I am able to make him feel so good. I moved with him and back on to his cock begging him to take me. I wanted to make him cum so badly I could taste it – and I wanted to. I wanted to feel his cum drip all over my face and have him look down at me and admire the mess he made of me.  However, we were fucking so furiously I could feel him come close and he thrust his cock deeper than it had been and he came hard all inside my asshole. We collapsed down on the bed together and snuggled up to recover.

As I rested my head thankfully on his naked, strong shoulder and kissed him thankfully, he continued to tell me how much I had progressed and he was pleased at how much I had taken that day. It was only then that he actually informed me that the cane had actually broken, not once, but twice, against my ass. I was surprised. Although it had hurt so much, and I was definitely feeling it afterward, there was a major point during our play where my mind was not concentrating as much on the pain, but more on the pleasure. And even then, my focus was not on me, but rather on him and how much I wanted to do to please my Daddy. He asked if I was a little relieved that the cane had broken. I told him honestly, as I am always completely honest with him, that I was. He smiled slyly and said, “I figured you would be. But, you also know that this means I just need to replace it.” I smiled and simply stated, “Yes Daddy, of course” knowing better now that I can handle it. We continued to talk and share and cuddle more as it was truly a beautiful day together. I didn’t want him to leave, but I knew he would have to. But that just leaves me wanting him that much more until the next time. 

Friday, February 4, 2011

January Training - Part II

Continued from yesterday, you may want to read the beginning here, before moving on . . . 

After he let me suck on his cock for a while, Daddy decided it was time for another 10 of my 40 lashes. Again, I was to count them out individually and thank him for each one.

            Daddy: “Are you ready?”
            Me: “Yes Daddy.”
Daddy: “Good Girl. What is your ass for?” <snap – the cane struck my bare bottom>
Me: “Eleven – Thank You Sir – For Training and Punishment.”
Daddy: “Good Girl. What is your pussy for?” <snap – the cane struck my bare bottom>
Me: “Twelve – Thank You Sir – To reward me.”
Daddy: “Good Girl. What is your mouth for?” <snap – the cane struck my bare bottom>
Me: “Thirteen – Thank You Sir – To please you however you want.”

He again continued alternating the questions each time up to thirty, and it was even more difficult that the first twenty. I could feel the welts rising on my skin and the heat of each stinging and erotic sting.

He then had me get on all fours. He attached the clip from my right wrist cuff to the clip on my right ankle cuff and repeated this with the left side. He then took a black tuque and placed it on my head, covering my eyes so that I could not see. I could hear him walk to the nightstand and open the lube. I knew in my mind it was time for the big blag anal plug. He stood behind me and ran his hand along my back and ass and swiftly placed it in my asshole. Since the one I had been practicing with was smaller and I had  been more used to it, the big black one was a shock and I gasped once again. He ran his hand up and down my crack, playing with my wet pussy. Then he handed me my regular jelly vibe and told me to put it in my pussy and fuck myself. I did, but it was difficult at first to keep the plug in as well. He moved the plug deep into my ass as I continued to fuck my pussy with the vibe. Although I don’t like anal as he knows, it helped to play with my pussy – it sort of took my mind off of the pain, or maybe it turned the pain to pleasure – I am not sure. But I do know, I was surprised that I was almost enjoying it.

After a while, he decided it was time to try out the hook. He raised my arms above my head and hooked my wrists up to the ceiling. He had my ankles hooked together and placed the black plug in my ass. I stood there spread eagle with my eyes still covered. I heard him move to the bed and lie down. It was difficult in some ways to just stand there so exposed, but it was also exciting. I could imagine him looking at me and admiring his work so far. His little girl so obediently standing there helpless for him. After maybe ten minutes I asked, “Daddy, may I please have a drink?” He got up, brought my drink up to my lips and allowed me to sip just a little. When I was done he gently kissed my lips and softly said “Good girl.” I continued to stand there about another 5 minutes when the ass plug fell out. Again, I was nervous that he would punish me, but instead, he took my arms down, embrassed and kissed me before what was next.

To be continued tomorrow …

Thursday, February 3, 2011

January Training - Part I

We had made a point to try to have more lessons in 2011. I had so enjoyed our first one this year, and we started perparing for the next session almost right after the first. I had been doing my homework assignments and he had purchased some new toys and implements he wouldn’t tell me about. I do like surprises sometimes, but I can be an impatient little girl, too. I also had earned 40 lashes of the cane over the past few weeks that I knew I was going to have to take. I was extremely nervous for them, but I was too excited to finally spend some time with Daddy again that I quickly put it out of my head.

He texted me that morning letting me know that traffic was tough, but that at 10:45, I was to put my collar on and put my plug in and await his arrival. As soon as he arrived, I carefully got up and walked to the door as it had been 30 minutes with my plug, and I did not want it to fall out. We embraced and he kissed me. He told me to turn around and he lifted up my robe to inspect the plug. He spanked my ass twice and said, “Good Girl – let’s go upstairs.”

He told me to drop my robe and I stood there naked as he unpacked his tools once again. He took each item out of the bag and laid it gently on my dressing table. He had me sit on the edge of the bed and he placed cuffs on my wrists and ankles. The next step was to connect clips to pull my ankles together and other clips to pull my wrists together. He propped my pillows up and told me to get on all fours and place my face into the pillows. He handed me my smaller bunny vibe and told me, “You are to cum three times with this before I am done installing the hook. Do you understsand?” I smiled nervously and said, “Yes Sir.” I can cum pretty quickly using the bunny vibe, and I know I can cum twice, but I knew three times might be difficult. But he knew this and that is part of my training for him.

He set up the camera at the bottom of the bed to film me masturbating. He proceeded to get out the tools and began to install an eye hook in my ceiling and my wall. Since we had decided to commit to more lessons, we also decided to make my room a little bit more play friendly. Very quickly, the first wave came over me; I had been so worked up just waiting for him that I began to cum quickly. It was difficult to keep my vibe on my clit right away, but I managed to keep going and make it to number two. I told him each time it happened and I could tell that even though he was concentrating on his task, he was still enjoying my task for him.

Number three took a little more time, but it was amazing when I got there. I was grinding my hips into the vibe and my thoughts were spinning. But even though I was enjoying my orgasm, all I really wanted, and now EVEN MORE, was to feel his hands on me; to feel his big, hard cock inside my pussy, to feel his lips and tongue all over my skin, and to let him ravish me any way he wanted.

Once we were both done with our initial tasks, he undressed and gave me my first 20 lashes. I was to count them out individually and thank him for each one.
            Daddy: “Are you ready?”
            Me: “Yes Daddy.”
Daddy: “Good Girl. What is your ass for?” <snap – the cane struck my bare bottom>
Me: “One – Thank You Sir – For Training and Punishment.”
Daddy: “Good Girl. What is your pussy for?” <snap – the cane struck my bare bottom>
Me: “Two – Thank You Sir – To reward me.”
Daddy: “Good Girl. What is your mouth for?” <snap – the cane struck my bare bottom>
Me: “Three – Thank You Sir – To please you however you want.”

He continued alternating the questions each time up to twenty. Each strike of the cane was difficult to take, but I know it is punishment, and something that I will learn my lesson to definitely avoid in the future. Once he was done with the first set, he carressed my ass with his hands. He loves to admire my ass, but he loves to gaze at it longer after he has worked it for a bit. He then pulled me to sit on the edge of the bed to suck him as my prize for doing well so far. I quickly took him in my mouth. I love sucking him and pleasing him this way. I kept sucking him feeling him grow and get more excited. As I was getting more aggressive sucking him, he pulled my head back and slapped my face to remind me I was not the one in control.

To be continued tomorrow …