Not My Typical Post

NOTE TO READERS: I wrote this last week - contemplated about posting it, but didn't. It isn't sexual. But, after reflection and encouragement from others, I decided to post what I wrote last week today. Take it or leave it, this is me. Love you :)

It was Tuesday December 20, 2011 and it was the day before I was taking off for our holiday break. We had decided to meet for lunch once again before we would not be seeing each other every day for a couple of weeks.

We had such a great time. I told her about my upcoming doctor’s appointment & tests. It was a conversation we had had before, and she was so supportive as usual. We weren’t just co-workers, we were friends who shared so much every day, even if we didn’t socialize on weekends. Our lives were different, but our lives were connected. We shared stories of our crazy families and even our personal lives. She was one of only five people who knew about a couple of things I was afraid to tell anyone else.

On Friday December 21, 2011, she texted me like clockwork in the afternoon after the first of many doctor’s appointments I was to face in the next month. 

It was almost as if she had set an alarm to remind her to check on me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did, but I wouldn’t be shocked if she didn’t. She just always knew to look out for her friends. The following Wednesday, after one of my bigger medical tests, she texted me to see if I was ok. We talked about going back to our usual place for lunch when we would return to work the following week and she would get the full download.

On New Year’s Eve, like most of us, I sent a bunch of text to people I really care about, one of them being her. I wasn’t prepared for the email I got the next morning from work. I had promised myself not to check ANY work email over the entire break. And I was successful. But I thought, “I don’t want to come into the office to a crap show on Monday morning!” So, I logged in. And that’s when my shock and disbelief overwhelmed me. She can’t be –I’m older than her – she was fine – she just texted me the other day. But, obituaries don’t lie once published (unlike RIPs on Twitter) and just like that, she was gone.

So, sorry I haven’t written in a while. In addition to this incredible hole in my heart & my life, I still had to continue through all of the invasive medical tests and uncertainty that one of my good friends had been supporting me through. But now, I was facing it with one less cheerleader, who was one of the best on my squad. Despite the physical pain of the tests, the anxiety of not knowing, I now have answers. It isn’t what my doctor feared most, and it even may not be a big problem down the road. I am taking the road of precaution, without making the big decisions that I thought would have to, and I am relieved. But I can also say that the very day and the very moment I left the doctor this morning, all I wanted to do was text my good friend to set her mind at ease as well.

Sorry, if this is a downer, but this is where I am. Love me or leave me, I will always be honest with myself and my readers. I know I will bounce back, but today I really miss my friend.