Wednesday, April 4, 2012

So - Here's Where I'm At

I know I know - I don't post enough. I have overcome some major hurdles at work these few weeks, so I can only hope that means a little more personal time for me. Which hopefully means, if any of you would like, more posts to come.

I will admit, as I think I had before this, that I isolated myself from the dating scene for quite a while. I had two very major relationships end in a hurtful manor about 5 and 6 years ago. Sadly, that was something I wasn't really used to. For the most part, although hurt feelings may have been involved on either or both sides, up until then, I remained friends with most of my ex'es. It wasn't that one or the other of us did any wrong, it was more that we had grown apart and one of us (usually him unfortunately for me) would realize we just weren't right for each other.

So, since the last two men had really either "done me wrong" or hurt me more than I had ever been, I took a long, self-imposed break from trying to date. And, if you have read any of my blog, that is when I met Daddy J. That is when I was awakened to the submissive inside me. And weirdly, although it was something I had never experienced in that intensity before, I knew it was who I was meant to be.

I have tried to fight it plenty over the past 6 years, but I always come back to the fact that it is my inherent nature and I am so happy to have found myself. Even if it wasn't in the way I thought I would.

So recently, I threw myself back out there - and I thought I met someone who may be a great, compatible person. Things were going well for a while, but after a couple of months, he just stopped contacting me. I was a little hurt and confused, but more than anything, I just wanted an answer as to why. I have very rarely been put in the position where I didn't know where things may have gone wrong. I started to doubt even trying to put myself out there.

But, that was fleeting in a way. I then just rationalized with myself that he didn't feel about me the way I felt about him. Yes, I would love to have the "data" to tell me what I could change or do better, but that was never to try to get him back. That data would then be used to do what I do even better for the next guy who may be lucky enough to be with me.

Unfortunately, many people have taken my curiosity the wrong way. Some people think I am jealous that he has moved on. But, truthfully?! I don't want someone who doesn't want to be with me. Who wants to settle like that? And I actually respect him (only a little bit) to go after what it is he really wants. I would have thought he would have been mature enough to actually communicate with me that he didn't want me or he had met someone he wanted more. But, c'est la vie - he is who he is. And I liked him for that. And I wish him the best for where he goes next. Just one bit of advice? COMMUNICATE with the new "her" - or next time? YOU will be on the end that gets left behind ;)