Sunday, March 3, 2013

Sinful Sunday 99: Remnants of the Past


As Molly says, Sinful Sunday is about the image. She was preparing for a conference presentation and she put out a call to all her submissive followers: What five words would you use to describe your submission?
I'm sure many who don't know enough about the subject would not understand the words that a chose. But I also think that many other subs and Dominants know exactly what I meant.


I chose strong, vulnerable, trusting, loving, and freeing. That of course got me thinking a lot about how I came to the realization that I am a true, natural submissive. If you read this blog, then you know I started this blog as a reflection piece for myself and my Dominant (Daddy J). It has of course grown to be a lot more, which I am more than happy about. But sometimes, I feel lost. I miss how good it was to be owned. But I also know that I have been very protective of myself as of late. I am afraid of someone pretending to be Dominant and not appreciating me as a submissive. I'm afraid to be fully open again without a relationship. I am afraid that if I fully let go with a deserving man, he may just leave me once he is done with me. In talking with Daddy J (our first night together is here) a few days ago (we still talk, although I am not his anymore), he asked me a question that made me think quite a bit, "Do you recognize that your desire to protect yourself in that way is a form of retaining control...?"

I know he is right. Being naturally submissive, it is in my nature to let go of that control and trust. And the more I try to grasp and hold on to that control, I will not be happy with the results. That made me go back and look through the few things I have left from our six years.
This is 1) the wool cap he would pull over my eyes to blindfold me. 2) some rope
he used to tie my wrists 3) the collar he placed around my neck to claim me as his

This is the hook he installed in my ceiling. He liked to cuff my wrists and
keep my arms above my head as he teased me and watched me.
And, of course, spanked me.

We continued to talk throughout the afternoon. I will write more about it soon, but I will leave you with something he said that has continued to fuel my thoughts since:
You are naturally submissive, meant to be owned and controlled. You might try to avoid it or find yourself in situations where you can't be, but they'll never feel right. That doesn't mean you don't go to work and do what you need to do, be successful, and honk at assholes in traffic. But it does mean that you surrender in other aspects. And the more you surrender, the happier you'll be.
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Sinful Sunday

6 comments:

  1. I answered those questions for Molly as well; they were excellent thought-provokers! I wish I could have attended the conference and heard others' perspectives on them, glad you shared yours :)

    ~Kazi xxx

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    1. I am so glad you contributed as well. <>

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  2. I wish I could have as well, but I am state-side

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  3. I think I spent many years in a similar place to this. Over compensating for the lack of control by someone strong by becoming increasing controlling of everything around me

    Mollyxxx

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    1. Exactly! Because I don't have that strong Dom, I grasp to control too much. Or I feel frustrated and want to act out hoping someone will step in and correct me.

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