I didn't start my anonymous twitter/blog account to meet anyone. If anything it was so I would know No One, and no one would know me, and I’d be able to post whatever the hell I felt like, without judgment. I wanted the freedom to speak my mind, especially when it comes to my sex life.
To be fair, I am a pretty much an open book. I have another account under my real identity and I don't hold much back there either, but there are just some lines you can't cross. Sometimes I like to brag about how much i am getting laid, or how I'm not but the orgasm I gave myself was beyond anything I've gotten from a guy recently. As much as sexuality has evolved, there is still a shroud around it that amuses me. But I digress.
Anon or not, I'm not a fan of meeting people from the Internet. I'm not saying I am against it, I know plenty of people who have had amazing success. I've done the online dating thing a few times over the years and nothing has stuck. I've made some friends sure, and gotten laid once or twice, but no one that lasted past date two or three.
It's just not for me. And most likely it’s because of me, not the guy involved. When I first start talking to someone online, I take what I know and I create this character, this person in my head. And often when I meet the real deal its not as I have envisioned and then become disappointed. Or vice versa, I'm sure I have been on the other side of that table before.
I compare it to going to see a movie that's been made out of a book. I love reading and being swept away to another world, time, place. I take the words and turn them into pictures in my head. So often when I see the movie I am disappointed because its rarely how I imagined it. Sure, it could be a great movie but because I already read the book it doesn't do it justice. Take Shutter Island for example. The movie was incredible...for anyone who hadn’t read the book first. I was disappointed I had because I missed out on an opportunity to really enjoy the film without any previous knowledge/ideas going in.
I realize this sounds rather superficial, but you've got to have a physical connection with someone or it won't work. And I'm not just talking looks, mannerisms and body language are a huge part of that. It's why I would rather meet someone organically in real life, if there is a physical attraction you can move on to the emotional and mental connection. I hate to create that bond first, the one that really gets you to your core, to only have it dissipate within seconds when there is attraction. It’s such a letdown to me, and it doesn’t seem worth it.
I write this mainly because I went against my original plan to remain anon and opened up lines of communication with someone via this account. Two days ago I easily would have tweeted about a guy I hooked up with a month ago suddenly sexting me out of the blue, but now I second guess my decision to make that public. And that makes me kind of mad. Mad mostly at myself, for going against my original intention to remain anonymous, faceless, unattached. I like having this secret account that no one else is aware of.
So now there are decisions to be made. Do I see if there is anything there, losing my anonymity and risk being disappointed, or disappointing them? Or what if there really could be a connection, and I miss out on it because I am stubborn and bull headed? And that’s scary too.
I realize that by posting this some may see it as a “challenge” and that certainly is not my intention at all. If anything it’s to help explain who I am, and the decisions that may come in the future.
Hotsexinabox is a straight but not narrow, sexually adventurous chica living in the Baltimore area.
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Twitter: @hotsexinabox